"Please fire me" blog
It's been about seven months since I left my job to become an entrepreneur full time. But it was several months before that when I decided that I was going to leave. That left me with about two months of working a job where quite frankly I didn't give a shit.
I came in late, spent hours a day socializing with co-workers, took two hour lunches, and then mysteriously slipped out the door while everyone else was still working. In between my slacking off, I did just enough work not to get fired. I asked one of my co-workers how long he thought I could keep it up before I actually got fired. His answer: you could probably go through your entire career doing what you're doing and not get fired.
I thought about it, and realized he was right. I was doing my work, I wasn't holding up any people or projects by not getting stuff done...I just wasn't exactly trying my hardest. I realized that every company is FILLED with people like that, people who actually do very little and still manage to keep their job.
So then I came up with the idea: PleaseFireMe.com - a blog where I go into work every day TRYING to get fired and chronicle it online! I ultimately didn't do it because there were penalties for me if I got fired (namely I had to repay my signing bonus and relocation package, which I certainly was not willing to do), but how awesome would it be to start that blog? What if you were going to quit anyway and there was absolutely no consequence to being fired?
One caveat - you have to try to get fired through work related happenings. You can't just walk in with an uzi or yell a racial slur...that would be too easy. You have to get fired by your laziness and your complete and utter lack of desire to accomplish anything.
To start, you need to have a goal for yourself at work. If you don't have a goal, you may find yourself becoming bored and actually doing work. In my last weeks I was reading an e-Book and when anybody did anything to disrupt me, I was PISSED. My objective was to read the e-Book and you better not bother me with "meaningless" work. That's the mentality that you need to have. It might be fantasy football, or firing emails to sports talk radio shows all day long, sending IM's to your friends, working on your MySpace profile, or even working on your own business, but you need to have an objective.
Once you've got an objective it's all cake from there. Take on as few tasks as possible, and when you do take something on, be sure not to actually do it. When someone asks you for it, tell them that you are waiting on someone else for XYZ before you can get to that, or better yet tell them that you are slammed with work and maybe they should look for someone else with a little more free time to work on the project.
Another line that I used a few times that seemed to work well - I don't think we should start that project until (insert future date) because (insert BS reason about how it will actually save resources to wait). When all else fails, throw in meaningless cliched phrases like "we really need to see if we can synergize our efforts first" that people don't really understand but don't want to admit to not understanding.
All the while you should be blogging about what you are doing and saying and how people are reacting - preferably WHILE you are at work, maybe even while you're in a meeting if you can slip your laptop in there. The blog would captivate the world - I know I'd be hanging on every word!
The scary thing - it might take YEARS for you to get fired. If you've already got a good reputation at your office, people will likely think of all the good things you initially did when you started and look past your recent shortcomings. My guess is that it'll take some new manager to come in and point out to everyone that you actually don't do jack. Then the shit will hit the fan...and the blog will be a success...and be published as a book...and you will be famous...
Right here, right now, I am begging all of you out there with jobs - when you decide to leave, please try to get fired and blog about it - if for no other reason than to satisfy my sick desire to prove how inefficient and hypocritical corporate America is. Any takers?
I came in late, spent hours a day socializing with co-workers, took two hour lunches, and then mysteriously slipped out the door while everyone else was still working. In between my slacking off, I did just enough work not to get fired. I asked one of my co-workers how long he thought I could keep it up before I actually got fired. His answer: you could probably go through your entire career doing what you're doing and not get fired.
I thought about it, and realized he was right. I was doing my work, I wasn't holding up any people or projects by not getting stuff done...I just wasn't exactly trying my hardest. I realized that every company is FILLED with people like that, people who actually do very little and still manage to keep their job.
So then I came up with the idea: PleaseFireMe.com - a blog where I go into work every day TRYING to get fired and chronicle it online! I ultimately didn't do it because there were penalties for me if I got fired (namely I had to repay my signing bonus and relocation package, which I certainly was not willing to do), but how awesome would it be to start that blog? What if you were going to quit anyway and there was absolutely no consequence to being fired?
One caveat - you have to try to get fired through work related happenings. You can't just walk in with an uzi or yell a racial slur...that would be too easy. You have to get fired by your laziness and your complete and utter lack of desire to accomplish anything.
To start, you need to have a goal for yourself at work. If you don't have a goal, you may find yourself becoming bored and actually doing work. In my last weeks I was reading an e-Book and when anybody did anything to disrupt me, I was PISSED. My objective was to read the e-Book and you better not bother me with "meaningless" work. That's the mentality that you need to have. It might be fantasy football, or firing emails to sports talk radio shows all day long, sending IM's to your friends, working on your MySpace profile, or even working on your own business, but you need to have an objective.
Once you've got an objective it's all cake from there. Take on as few tasks as possible, and when you do take something on, be sure not to actually do it. When someone asks you for it, tell them that you are waiting on someone else for XYZ before you can get to that, or better yet tell them that you are slammed with work and maybe they should look for someone else with a little more free time to work on the project.
Another line that I used a few times that seemed to work well - I don't think we should start that project until (insert future date) because (insert BS reason about how it will actually save resources to wait). When all else fails, throw in meaningless cliched phrases like "we really need to see if we can synergize our efforts first" that people don't really understand but don't want to admit to not understanding.
All the while you should be blogging about what you are doing and saying and how people are reacting - preferably WHILE you are at work, maybe even while you're in a meeting if you can slip your laptop in there. The blog would captivate the world - I know I'd be hanging on every word!
The scary thing - it might take YEARS for you to get fired. If you've already got a good reputation at your office, people will likely think of all the good things you initially did when you started and look past your recent shortcomings. My guess is that it'll take some new manager to come in and point out to everyone that you actually don't do jack. Then the shit will hit the fan...and the blog will be a success...and be published as a book...and you will be famous...
Right here, right now, I am begging all of you out there with jobs - when you decide to leave, please try to get fired and blog about it - if for no other reason than to satisfy my sick desire to prove how inefficient and hypocritical corporate America is. Any takers?
posted by Adam McFarland at
8/15/2006 06:35:00 PM
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